ORIGINALLY POSTED 11/14/2013 TO PHANTASMAGORIAS:
Today, I received some very exciting news – my little sister passed her driver’s test and now has her license! Go Mags! As this day has been approaching, I have been talking and making jokes with Maggie about good and poor driving skills, road rage (which, unfortunately I’m notorious for), and of course the freedom that comes with driving yourself. With all this excitement going on within my family, it got me thinking about my own past driving experiences. I have various funny stories of first fender benders, almost tickets, and road rage mania (committed by myself and others). However, there is one driving experience that happened quite recently that had me pondering profusely.
Several weeks ago, probably around the end of September, I was at Target having a marvelous day (you might have noticed that my last story also took place at Target. I live by one, which basically means I live in one). I don’t remember what was so wonderful about this day but I do remember thinking it was possibly the most wonderful day I had had since I had moved to Birmingham. I had great friendships, I was living in a great city, birds were chirping and helping me to dress in the morning – that sort of day. After gathering what I needed from Target, I got in my car and drove out of the parking garage. As I came upon a stop sign near the Target entrance, I saw a pregnant woman waiting to cross the street. She looked a bit tired and impatient to get into the store – which I can completely understand seeing as she was carrying another human around in her stomach. Though it was my turn to go, I decided to let her go ahead and cross the street. I waved at her as if to say “You go ahead, you brave future mother, you” or something along those lines. It was a very friendly wave – at least I thought it was a friendly wave. She however must have taken it as “Hurry up and get across the street with your spawn” because she proceeded to flail her arms at me and shoot me very nasty looks. Then she walked down the road and stood, waiting for me to drive away. I waited. Then when I saw she was not going to take up my offer to let her cross, I drove away.
I was shocked. I was trying to be nice! How could she be so rude? All I wanted to do was spread some of my joyful day around to other people but this woman had practically robbed the joy of my day from me. I was so worried because I knew that while this lady would forever be known as Godzilla With Child, to anyone whom I told this story, I would be known as The Monster Who Tried To Rush The Pregnant Woman Off The Road to anyone she told. I was pretty upset. It is one thing to do something cruel and suffer the consequences, but how awful is it when you do something kind and you suffer consequences? Then I thought about the situation some more. How many times had I misinterpreted someone’s act of kindness as an act of cruelty? Especially coming out of the teenage years when somehow it seems everyone is against you, I’m sure I have done this before. I realized I needed to really start looking into the heart of peoples actions – especially in a “grown-up” world. People think, feel, and believe differently. Someone’s kindness could be taken as a cruelty. I need to look less at the action, and more at the person behind it. I also realized that I need to think more about my action and less about others reaction. Who cares that the lady got mad at me, I was trying to be kind, which is all that matters. I don’t need to be kind because of how great it makes me feel, I need to be kind because it is the right thing to be. In this world where ideas are construed, people are hurting, and cruelty seems to reign, kindness is needed. Not because it makes us feel better, but because it will make us better, as a community, a country, and a world.
So Mags, as you begin to drive, and begin to make your way towards adulthood, remember that kindness isn’t for you. Smile at the lady in the drive-through window, let that car pass you every once in a while, roll your windows down and dance with the guy in the car next to yours in traffic. Spread joy. Sometimes people won’t accept it, but it’s always better to try and be shot down then to never try at all. People aren’t always what they seem. Sometimes things get lost in translation – heck, that lady could have been mad at someone else, not me – the point is to forget about what you want to get out of it and remind yourself about what you need to give. You’ll live a much happier life, because most of the time that drive-through lady will smile right back, that car will let you pass him later, and you and that guy dancing in traffic will have the time of your lives. Kindness is not always accepted, but it’s always a better option.
Several weeks ago, probably around the end of September, I was at Target having a marvelous day (you might have noticed that my last story also took place at Target. I live by one, which basically means I live in one). I don’t remember what was so wonderful about this day but I do remember thinking it was possibly the most wonderful day I had had since I had moved to Birmingham. I had great friendships, I was living in a great city, birds were chirping and helping me to dress in the morning – that sort of day. After gathering what I needed from Target, I got in my car and drove out of the parking garage. As I came upon a stop sign near the Target entrance, I saw a pregnant woman waiting to cross the street. She looked a bit tired and impatient to get into the store – which I can completely understand seeing as she was carrying another human around in her stomach. Though it was my turn to go, I decided to let her go ahead and cross the street. I waved at her as if to say “You go ahead, you brave future mother, you” or something along those lines. It was a very friendly wave – at least I thought it was a friendly wave. She however must have taken it as “Hurry up and get across the street with your spawn” because she proceeded to flail her arms at me and shoot me very nasty looks. Then she walked down the road and stood, waiting for me to drive away. I waited. Then when I saw she was not going to take up my offer to let her cross, I drove away.
I was shocked. I was trying to be nice! How could she be so rude? All I wanted to do was spread some of my joyful day around to other people but this woman had practically robbed the joy of my day from me. I was so worried because I knew that while this lady would forever be known as Godzilla With Child, to anyone whom I told this story, I would be known as The Monster Who Tried To Rush The Pregnant Woman Off The Road to anyone she told. I was pretty upset. It is one thing to do something cruel and suffer the consequences, but how awful is it when you do something kind and you suffer consequences? Then I thought about the situation some more. How many times had I misinterpreted someone’s act of kindness as an act of cruelty? Especially coming out of the teenage years when somehow it seems everyone is against you, I’m sure I have done this before. I realized I needed to really start looking into the heart of peoples actions – especially in a “grown-up” world. People think, feel, and believe differently. Someone’s kindness could be taken as a cruelty. I need to look less at the action, and more at the person behind it. I also realized that I need to think more about my action and less about others reaction. Who cares that the lady got mad at me, I was trying to be kind, which is all that matters. I don’t need to be kind because of how great it makes me feel, I need to be kind because it is the right thing to be. In this world where ideas are construed, people are hurting, and cruelty seems to reign, kindness is needed. Not because it makes us feel better, but because it will make us better, as a community, a country, and a world.
So Mags, as you begin to drive, and begin to make your way towards adulthood, remember that kindness isn’t for you. Smile at the lady in the drive-through window, let that car pass you every once in a while, roll your windows down and dance with the guy in the car next to yours in traffic. Spread joy. Sometimes people won’t accept it, but it’s always better to try and be shot down then to never try at all. People aren’t always what they seem. Sometimes things get lost in translation – heck, that lady could have been mad at someone else, not me – the point is to forget about what you want to get out of it and remind yourself about what you need to give. You’ll live a much happier life, because most of the time that drive-through lady will smile right back, that car will let you pass him later, and you and that guy dancing in traffic will have the time of your lives. Kindness is not always accepted, but it’s always a better option.
My mom took this picture of Maggie. She's on the phone with me telling me she got her driver's license! Go Mags!!